Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
People in love make me want to vomit
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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