even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my liver is dry heaving
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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