hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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