why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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