Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
