sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
