She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
