I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
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