I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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