so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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