I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
