I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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