Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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