woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
