Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
