sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
