Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
