No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
