The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
