no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
