I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
