I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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