I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
