Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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