everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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