The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
