he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
