i just had sex bonerless
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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