oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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