wakey wakey hands off snakey
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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