It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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