she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
