Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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