I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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