Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
