Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
