I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
please come you make the beer taste better
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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