a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
