i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
