dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
