Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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