Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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