He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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