I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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