I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
