I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
