Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
