whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
