No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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