HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
