but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
