I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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