My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
