thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
