i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
