Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
