The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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