Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
